My Own Thoughts is the product of getting caught up in my own head. Though this is not technically my first venture into microtonality, it is most definitely the first time someone requested their piece be microtonal, which is quite a game changer. When Dr. Meadows first approached me with this proposal, I was terrified to say the least. No longer was I really permitted to dink around with microtones, spending hours upon hours reworking their purpose and presentation. No, this time someone was ASKING me for a piece that she was going to PERFORM in PUBLIC while also using to complete her dissertation. This was not the same thing at all.

Thus, research ensued, and the mental loops started turning to try and create some sort of sense of my suddenly expanded tonality. How could they be incorporated? And was there a way to do so without the piece coming out as an “exercise” in microtones? As I thought more and more about the project, I found myself starting to sing microtones, and then correct myself verbally when the microtone was 'used in the wrong way.' This would happen while walking down the street, in the shower, and—most animatedly—at my writing location of choice. While I do not think I was being too exaggerated, I did actually have someone ask me if I needed help while in a local coffee shop, which I took as a hint that I needed to tone it down a bit….

And so, I pulled inside. Shut away from sound and visuals blocked by a computer screen, this piece came to fruition through the internalization of what I hope to be a temporary neuroticism borne from the fleeting grasp of microtonality. And though it may sound like this was torturous, it was actually really fun and freeing! All of a sudden, my technical tricks and musical aesthetic was amplified by literally two thirds more melodic possibilities, allowing for more coloring, greater control of timing, and—being the notation nerd that I am—a reason to actually evaluate and establish my desired way of writing these sounds down. This joy was further compounded by the fact that Dr. Meadows is a true collaborator, never afraid to request an adjustment to an unreasonable passage, or flat out telling me when something I wrote was not actually playable by a human.

Of significance for me is now knowing that, when I get caught up in my head again, there is always a way out, and that it is probably better on the other side.